Jokes and wonders of the Bible

[محبة الرحمن*]

In the Name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Jokes and the wonders of the Bible

thanks to our brother sa3d

http://www.ebnmaryam.com/vb/t586.html



First Episode

Ezekiel 4 )New American Standard Bible)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...4&version=NASB

12"You shall eat it as a barley cake, having baked it in their sight over human dung."
13Then the LORD said, "Thus will the sons of Israel eat their bread unclean among the nations where I will banish them."
14But I said, " Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, I have never been defiled; for from my youth until now I have never eaten what died of itself or was torn by beasts, nor has any unclean meat ever entered my mouth."
15Then He said to me, "See, I will give you cow's dung in place of human dung over which you will prepare your bread."


The man was eating his bread on human dung but God corrected his situation and give him cow’s dung instead of human dung




Isaiah 36 )New International Version)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...36&version=NIV

12 But the commander replied, "Was it only to your master and you that my master sent me to say these things, and not to the men sitting on the wall—who, like you, will have to eat their own filth and drink their own urine?"



The men’s are eating their own filth and drinking their own urine


Deuteronomy 23)New American Standard Bible)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...3&version=NASB

13and you shall have a spade among your tools, and it shall be when you sit down outside, you shall dig with it and shall turn to cover up your excrement.


Why should he return to his faeces to cover them ?
What are the benefits of covering the stool ?
Why did he pass out his stool in an unsuitable place from the beginning ?

[محبة الرحمن*]

The second episode

Donkeys Dialogue

Numbers 22)New International Version)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...22&version=NIV


Balaam's Donkey
21 Balaam got up in the morning, saddled his donkey and went with the princes of Moab. 22 But God was very angry when he went, and the angel of the LORD stood in the road to oppose him. Balaam was riding on his donkey, and his two servants were with him. 23 When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with a drawn sword in his hand, she turned off the road into a field. Balaam beat her to get her back on the road.
24 Then the angel of the LORD stood in a narrow path between two vineyards, with walls on both sides. 25 When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she pressed close to the wall, crushing Balaam's foot against it. So he beat her again.
26 Then the angel of the LORD moved on ahead and stood in a narrow place where there was no room to turn, either to the right or to the left. 27 When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat her with his staff. 28 Then the LORD opened the donkey's mouth, and she said to Balaam, "What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?"
29 Balaam answered the donkey, "You have made a fool of me! If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now."
30 The donkey said to Balaam, "Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?"
"No," he said.

[محبة الرحمن*]

The third episode


The trees dialogue

Judges 9 )New International Version)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...+9&version=NIV


8 One day the trees went out to anoint a king for themselves. They said to the olive tree, 'Be our king.'
9 "But the olive tree answered, 'Should I give up my oil, by which both gods and men are honored, to hold sway over the trees?'
10 "Next, the trees said to the fig tree, 'Come and be our king.'
11 "But the fig tree replied, 'Should I give up my fruit, so good and sweet, to hold sway over the trees?'
12 "Then the trees said to the vine, 'Come and be our king.'
13 "But the vine answered, 'Should I give up my wine, which cheers both gods and men, to hold sway over the trees?'
14 "Finally all the trees said to the thornbush, 'Come and be our king.'
15 "The thornbush said to the trees, 'If you really want to anoint me king over you, come and take refuge in my shade; but if not, then let fire come out of the thornbush and consume the cedars of Lebanon!'

seems to me that the auther of this story has a nice imagination

[محبة الرحمن*]

You can see the entire thread on the following link
Because there are some words that do not appear here
http://www.ebnmaryam.com/vb/t151230.html

[محبة الرحمن*]

Fourth episode

Is their anything in this world called dragon




Revelation 12 )New International Version)


http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...12&version=NIV

3Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on his heads. 4His tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that he might devour her child the moment it was born.


Is this the word of God in his Bible? Or Tales of the ancients
?
And why he have seven heads and ten horns instead of fourteen horns


seems that john was having a trip to wonderland


Genesis 1 )New American Standard Bible)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...1&version=NASB

21God created the great sea monsters


And where are those monsters ???